So, if we are to believe all the helpful ABC promos, tonight the Humiliating of Kirstie continues, which sounds like a TV movie you’d see on Lifetime and actually has all the components for it. There’s the charming but chubby lead, the dashing but surly love interest and the disaster from which our plucky gal can rise above. I expect Kirstie to be selling the film rights any day. It can’t be any worse than “Fat Actress.”
 
Anyway, it’s classical week on “DWTS”! That’s a hook guaranteed to bore viewers! Kirstie, please fall on your ass again to distract us from Brahms! The two hottest stars of classical music, David Garrett and Katherine Jenkins, will perform. I’m not sure I really need my classical music stars to be hot. I mean, most of the composers of classical music are dead and most of the people who love classical music are close to dead, so hotness seems more likely to induce heart arrhythmias or lethal strokes than anything. But hey, at least they look good on national TV, so there’s that.

But all this wonderful classical music comes at a price! The dancers are threatened by the orchestra, which will be twice as large as usual. That and the crazy classical music could overshadow the dancing! I don’t think so! I hate trumped up “DWTS” drama!
 
The “DWTS” Troupe shows us the paso doble. David Garrett plays violin. David Garrett is playing his heart out. Don’t worry, David, I’m sure your cuteness and weird topknot/ponytail thingy will induce more young, screaming girls to buy your CDs even if you played like a one-armed fiddler in a Grand Ole Opry “SNL” parody.