Questionable music choices at Dancing On Ice as rictus-grin girl Hayley Tamaddon ­trundles around the rink to the strains of You’re No Good. While manic-looking Hayley clings on to pro partner Daniel Whiston for dear life, the ­legendary Linda ­Ronstadt ­relentlessly repeats: “You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good…”

She’s right. They’re rubbish. Worse still from ITV’s point of view… they’re the best! It defies belief that after three woeful weeks of slip-sliding away disastrously, not a single celeb has taken a tumble. Yet. But GMTV GP Hilary Jones comes ­perilously close. After the Doc’s ­clueless antics, ­commentator Tony Gubbadegook struggles to contain himself.